My smile's an open wound without you

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 04:18:19 GMT

ok wow. good and bad weekend. im going to say this straight out: clea, i am so sorry if i did anything. you know i love you.

so i got to spend time with erica. and that always fun. god i really dont know what i would do without her. lets just say bipolar, tired, irritable Mom is not a good thing. and dont worry erica it wasnt your fault and you shouldnt be intimidated... even though i kind of am myself (david you know what im talking about)

cleas party... urgh i know you're annoyed. again i am so sorry. i did have an amazing time though for more than one reason. (emily its not what you think and clea you prob know)

so yeah hopefully i can see sisterhood of the traveling pants soon... that would be utterly amazing.

i am so full of love....for everyone.

::cause i'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions::
♥ :-/

Tue, 24 May 2005 14:40:36 GMT

i am posting this SPECIFICALLY for David.. you better do it. I just wanna see, you know.. haha
Have fun and repost it obviously

THE GEEK TEST!!! (put an X in the parentheses (sp?) for everyone that applies)

I HAVE

( ) programmed a calculator in math class
() studied a language on my own
() always hated mainstream
() dated a geek
()married a geek
() done homework that wasn't required
() done homework for somebody else
() looked forward to dissecting a frog, pig, etc.
() looked forward to doing my taxes
() attended public academic lectures on my own
() studied an artificial language (such as Klingon)
() created an artificial language
() filed the Census as my persona
() worn 2+ watches at the same time
() to keep track of multiple time zones
() named a pet after a scientist or inventor
() after a gaming, literary, or B-movie character
() after a mythological being
() after a technical term
() a Ph.D.
() a perfect attendance record in high school
() in college
() taken notes in more than one color
() thought I could win a quiz show
() corrected a professor in class
() corrected a salesperson on technical specs
() corrected a supervisor on spelling or grammar
() written a letter to the editor
() written fan fiction
() written hypertext fiction
() written for a webzine
() created a webzine
() indexed and catalogued any personal collection
() a subscription to a sci-fi or computer magazine
() an anthropological or history magazine
() a nature or science magazine
() a financial or literary magazine
() to a games or gaming magazine
() solved a Rubik's cube
() solved an entire 500+ piece puzzle

I HAVE BEEN...

() Geek of the Year
() in A/V club
() a theater techie
() to a gamecon
() to another con
() host at any con
() game master
() a computer lab monitor
() to a LAN gaming party
() host at a LAN gaming party
() in a fan club or on their mailing list
() "that guy" at a concert
() in the SCA
() seriously involved in the SCA
() Trivial Pursuit winner
() called a geek
() several times
() labeled socially inept
() by your "friends"
() in "smart" classes
() on a game show
() a scout for 10+ years
() a high school mascot
() in marching band
() in show choir
() to band camp
() to a math/science camp
() in the chess club
() on any sort of academic team
() in a math competition
() placed high or won
() in a science competition
() placed high or won
() to museums by my own freewill
() referred to as Dilbert
() referred to as Velma
() dumped at a dance
() dumped at a Star Trek convention

I HAVE... (2)

() attended a geek party
() been really excited about attending a geek party
() thrown a geek party
() Beta tested this Geek Test
() roleplayed
() 3+ times a week
() for 12 hours straight
() introduced several people to roleplaying
() gamed in a tournament
() and won
() gone to a party just to play Trivial Pursuit
() a phone number with GEEK as the last four digits
() or something equally geeky
() worn a costume other than for Halloween or a play
() worked for a Renaissance Faire
() criticized normality
() taken the Mensa test
() joined Mensa
() talked to plants to help them grow
() quoted Yoda in conversation or debate, at least semi-seriously
() gone to the movies alone
() regularly
() gone to a movie dressed up like one of the characters
() alone
() waited in line 2+ hours for movie tickets
() waited in line 12+ hours for movie tickets
() skipped parties to program or repair computers
() to read or study
() to talk online
() because I'm not cool enough to go
() argued about which "Trek" is the best
() founded a club of any sort
() snorted while laughing
() never turned down a date
() held an office in the SCA
() written articles for SCA publications
() used "authenticity police" in a sentence
() framed my scroll(s)

I HAVE READ...

() Douglas Adams
() Piers Anthony
() Isaac Asimov
() Arthur C. Clarke
() Stephen Hawking
() Robert Heinlein
() Robert Jordan
() H.P. Lovecraft
() Anne McCaffrey
() J.R.R. Tolkien
() any "The Companion to ..." books
() books based on Star Trek or Star Wars
() comic books
() graphic novels
() fan fiction
() hypertext fiction
() The Knowne Worlde Handbook
() books on math/science outside class
() books on grammar outside class
() books on history outside class
() Russian literature outside class
() gaming books
() cover to cover
() entire calculator manuals
() entire computer manuals
() software/computer language books
() for a reading circle or book club
() joke/humor books for self-enrichment

I WANT...

() more Magic the Gathering cards
() a real lightsaber
() a date
() more computers
() to work for Microsoft
() to one-up Microsoft
() to call Microsoft "Microshaft"
() my own comic book store
() my own gaming store
() a yurt
() Jean Grey
() Jeff Goldblum
() 7 of 9
() Jean-Luc Picard
() Scully
() Mulder
() Max Guevera
() Scott Bakula
() Willow or Buffy
() Legolas or Frodo
() Leia or Amidala
() ASIMO
() more friends
() more RAM
() GPS
() 100-sided dice
() to take over the world

I BELIEVE...

() in unicorns and dragons
() in fairies, trolls or leprechauns
() in aliens
() in vampires
() that I am a vampire
() in the Force
() that anything can be fixed
() Linux is the only worthwhile OS

I ROUTINELY WATCH...

() X-Files
() Star Trek
() Star Trek: The Next Generation
() Star Trek: Voyager
() Deep Space 9
() Babylon 5
() Farscape
() Buffy the Vampire Slayer
() MST3K
() Dexter's Lab
() Superhero cartoons
() Beat the Geeks
() Jeopardy
() Quantum Leap
() Highlander
() Junkyard Wars
() spinoff shows of any of the above
() documentaries
() obscure movies
() foreign films
() Anime
() History or Discovery Channel
() Weather Channel
() Sci-fi Channel
() Food or Game Show Network
() Cartoon Network
() Tech TV
() bonus features on DVDs

I HAVE SEEN (2+ times)...

() Bladerunner
() Clerks
() The Dark Crystal
() The Fly
() Highlander: the movie
() The Last Starfighter
() The Fellowship of the Ring
() The Two Towers
() The Matrix
() Any Monty Python movie
() The Neverending Story
() Princess Bride
() Rocky Horror Picture Show
() Spaceballs
() TRON
() War Games
() Any Star Trek movie
() All Star Trek movies
() The Star Wars Trilogy
() Star Wars Episode I and II
() Transformers: the movie
() Weird Science
() Any Kung Fu movie made before 1980

I OWN...

() 5+ of the above movies on DVD
() 10+ of the above movies on DVD
() pocket protector
() Rubik's cube
() 2+ Rubik's cubes
() more than one slinky
() four-color pen
() whole/partial set of figurines
() multi-sided dice
() gaming book
() a few gaming books
() a ton of gaming books
() >1 Steve Jackson game
() and the expansion packs
() Most of the MageKnight line
() DC HeroClix line
() Marvel HeroClix line
() Magic the Gathering cards
() Universal remote control with LCD display
() 1 or 2 computers
() 3+ computers
() a computer currently running on Linux
() PDA, pager, and cell phone
() DVD burner
() Sun, HP, SGI server
() 2+ DVD players
() 2+ sound effects CDs
() art made from color gels
() a techie black outfit
() a toy lightsaber
() a real lightsaber
() script to any Monty Python film
() any Star Trek film
() any Star Wars film
() rough draft of any of the above
() several maps and/or globes
() thermometer that also measures humidity
() a full set of encyclopedias
() 2+ dictionaries
() 2+ calculators
() > 1 chess set
() > 1 trivia game
() > 1 video game console
() > 1 pre-1985 video game console (before NES)
() beakers, test tubes or Petrie dishes
() and use them as cups or dishware
() an exotic animal..hmm i guess we could call sushi that
() an endangered species
() voltmeter
() binoculars
() spyglass
() telescope
() microscope
() magnifying glass
() laser pointer

I WANT TO BE (OR HAVE BEEN)...

() a wizard
() a superhero
() a physicist
() a historian
() an economist
() a librarian
() a meteorologist
() an astronomer
() a vampire
() a professional sound techie
() a professional lighting techie

I LIKE TO...

() play with numbers
() play with words/sounds
() play with hazardous chemicals
() make documentaries
() read on Friday or Saturday nights
() go to the library
() browse the dictionary to learn new words
() browse the Geek webring
() do logic games
() put together puzzles
() help people with their finances
() turn on my computer first thing in the morning
() use 1024x768 or higher
() use 1280x1024 or higher
() program
() roleplay
() buy DVDs for their bonus materials
() buy used game consoles
() buy used video games
() buy used electronics
() work mathematical problems
() work chemical formulas
() do physics in my head
() tinker with electronics
() shop at Radio Shack
() make people think I'm weird
() play with Lego
() listen to NPR or AM radio
() watch public access TV
() listen to audiobooks (Books on Tape®)
() learn on my own

I PLAY...

() Steve Jackson games
() Warhammer
() Call of Cthulhu
() chess
() word games (like boggle, scrabble, crosswords)
() games on my PDA
() trivia games
() games that have received a Mensa award
() solitaire games
() 5+ times a week
() They Might Be Giants
() Devo
() Weird Al Yankovic
() Dr. Demento
() Man or Astroman
() Ween
() Weezer
() books on tape or CD
() show tunes
() cartoon soundtracks
() music that nobody else listens to, ever
() no sports
() the accordion
() more than one musical instrument
() computer strategy games
() Fantasy Baseball, Football, etc.
() games via the internet
() an excessive amount of computer games
() Risk
() all the way to the end

I WEAR...

() glasses
() that I have repaired myself
() software company t-shirts
() computer-humor t-shirts
() computer-related ties, underwear, etc.
() comic book-related ties, underwear, etc.
() shirts that proclaim geekhood
() Star Wars t-shirts
() only black t-shirts
() short sleeve dress shirts (men only)
() a fanny pack
() ugly or vintage
() as little brand name clothing as possible
() my shirt tucked into my underwear
() Spock Ears
() Vampire teeth
() permanently due to cosmetic dentistry
() hi-tops
() a digital watch
() day-of-the-week underwear
() suspenders

I COLLECT...

() comic books
() superhero paraphernalia
() spoons
() calculators
() vintage computers
() bugs
() trains
() pins
() snow globes
() neat-looking rocks
() stamps
() coins
() dirt

I HAVE... (3)

() cracked software
() hacked into another computer system
() had long Mac vs. PC debates
() created an operating system
() Beta tested software applications
() Beta tested games
() corrected Intel on hardware specs
() altered registry files
() used Usenet or IRC
() created a newsgroup
() a hard drive dedicated to mp3s
() written shareware
() written a regular expression parser
() followed comic strips online
() a computer at home with no cover on it
() designed a robot
() built a robot
() built a go-cart
() built a computer
() built my own network of computers
() designed a nuclear device of some sort
(_) built a nuclear device of some sort
() plotted world domination
() destroyed things just to see how they work
() played Final Fantasy
() defeated Final Fantasy
() defeated all Final Fantasy games
() played video/computer games for 12+ hours straight
() created a website
() before 1996
() submitted my personal website to search engines
() owned a personal domain
() before 1996
() been on a listserv
() created a listserv
() more than 3 e-mail addresses
() more than 3 screen names
() dated someone over the internet
() married someone I met over the internet
() exaggerated on this test to score better
() flat out lied on this test to score better

I KNOW...

() C++
() UNIX
() Lisp, Ada, CGI scripting, Pascal, or Delphi
() Java
() BASIC
() ASCII
() HTML and/or JavaScript
() l337 sp33k
() Latin
() what http:// stands for
() what dpi stands for
() what E=mc^2 means
() the three laws of robotics
() and who invented them
() Clark's Third Law
() how to set a telescope in polar alignment
() the value of pi (to 10 digits) (someday soon)
() more people online than in real life
() who H.P. Lovecraft is
() that Aol is the Spawn of Satan
() that Bill Gates is both God and Satan
() how to use special functions on a scientific calculator
() chemical symbols for 10+ elements
() the difference between speed and velocity
() the names of 3 temperature scales
() and the H2O freezing/boiling points of each
() the difference between nuclear fission and fusion
() and can explain it in detail
() how to count in hexadecimal
() the difference between octal and octane
() what RAM and ROM stand for
() who created MSDOS
() who first implemented windows on their OS
() what a "patch" means in computer terms
() what the blue screen of death means

I KNOW... (2)

() all about Jeanine Salla
() what increasing barometric pressure means
() how to count to 31 on one hand
() how to play 7+ games with regular deck(s) of cards PRIDE AND JOY BABY
() how to roll-step and high-step in time
() what GURPS stands for
() my age in binary
() my Jedi name
() my Geek Code
() the relationship between Chainmail and D&D
() the names of 5+ Hobbits
() 5+ dwarves from The Hobbit
() 10+ Smurfs
() 2+ Dragonlance characters
() 5+ comic book character
() 5+ Food TV hosts
() 5+ Star Trek characters
() from each generation
() the odd/even number rule of Star Trek movies
() that the new millennium started in 2001
() what a THAC0 is
() extensive, useless trivia
() how to write 1999 in Roman numerals
() that the answer is 42 (hell yes, i just bought the whole collection at a used bookstore for 1 buck!)
() that I am a geek

BONUS ROUND

() I am a female geek (5 bonus points)(...um why?)
() My profession requires a certain level of geekiness (well the profession i want to have does)
() Throughout my life, my level of geekiness has only increased
() I think this Geek Test is really cool
() I can think of other things that should get me points on this test

i want to let you know im miserable up here without you

Mon, 23 May 2005 17:04:52 GMT

wow.. hello.. its been a long time hasnt it? nothing has really happened lately. the year is coming to a close. i am soooo looking forward to that. the summer shall be fun. spain, june at home. studying for exams have been stressful. its like i wont admit im stressed about it. im in denial saying things like "oh yeah math shouldnt be that hard" or "im partially ready for history". please let my life get exciting soon. please. i need some excitement. maybe even some drama.... well ok.. maybe not the drama, but definately excitement. wow procrastinating is really what i do best. haha like thats my talent. im going to print out my history review and then later tonight i swear im going to study math. i cant afford to do bad, even though... i cant even explain myself or my "brilliant" ideas. oh and this is just great... i forgot my dads birthday. and not just like getting him a present.. i COMPLETELY forgot. i didnt even call him and now i feel way to bad to call him back up and say im sorry or something. im going to stop complaining... now....now..

♥

NOW!

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 00:05:55 GMT

helloooo...

god i dont even know what to say. everything is fine i guess, just different. i guess im just waiting for closure. i cant even stand it anymore. im not even going to bother to try and explain what i want because what i want isnt possible and it sucks. now im feeling the whole self conscience thing and im not like that. what is wrong with me??? i have like bad mood swings i swear. one second ill be so happy with erica. she makes me soo happy and lets me forget about everything. and then i get home. i dont even want to go into that. im unhappy when im with my mom and then i think its gonna get better when i get to my dads. but its not. im just cruel and mean to him and i feel guilty. hes only trying to be nice. and then when i should feel happy for a certain person and their situation (and im not afraid to say this) i just get jealous and it sucks. im not a jealous person but when you've wanted something for so long and you know you're never going to get it its the worst feeling. i know a lot of people have had that kind of feeling before. damnit i hate complaing on this fucking LJ. i hate it. what is my problem? i need to change. diet so i can feel better about myself? be more outgoing? i dont even know what i want.
shit. </3

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 17:01:30 GMT

hey i havent updated in a while. the band trip was amazing. i had soooooo much fun. thanks to everyone who made it great. new orleans was so much more fun than i expected even though i have heard so many things about the craziness that goes on there. im like already sooo excited for next year... i wonder toronto or puerto rico.. id rather toronto personally.

lets see what else is going on... i got the highest grade out of anyone on my physics test. it was kindof sad because NO ONE expected it. my physics class thinks im stupid or something :(. the play is tomorrow. i have to go both tomorrow and friday. it should be fun since the two nights wont be the same.

the fob show was sold out!!! im sooo sad. i couldve gone tonight since they are playing a show or whatever but i want to go to tennis to see some people and i prob couldnt have gone anyway.

ericas bday is on sunday!!! :-D yayayayayaya.. im so excited to go to her dinner thing. it should be fun. but she HAS to tell me what she wants! gosh erica, why are you so nice?

ok well thats all for now.. ill update later

♥

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 03:15:44 GMT

hello.. well i had a pretty ok weekend. i saw guesswho which was more cute than funny and later that night i went bowling w/ gabby, emily, and christina. it was fun ignoring the annyoing girls that will not be mentioned. today i went swiming with dolphins. it was amazing. i got to do two "rides" where the dolphin take you around a little swimming area. i love dolphins they are so cute.

tomorrow we have school. :( . i had to finish 5 books of the odyssey and i couldnt do the history thing but hopefully everyone can understand that i had a busy weekend and of course i procrastinated because well it was spring break so i kind of didnt have to time to work on that little paragraph.

well i hope everyone else had a great weekend. school shall be fun!!! (not.)

♥

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 05:42:09 GMT

im home! yayayaayay! im so happy to actually be back but i would be even more happy if i could be in boca with all my wonderful friends because it feels like its been forever!! skiing was amazing. like i hoped it was "blissful" hahaha i know im corny. the band trip is like next week and i actually am excited even though momentarily, i wasnt because of the itinerary. it sounded well...dull..... like clea said its not going to be orlando so thats different and that always basically guarantees fun, but ive never been to new orleans so it should be interesting since i am going to be with all my bestest friends in new orleans. i am so not looking forward to going back to school.. i just feel like im not ready. and i also feel like there NO and i repeat NO time left in spring break. well i dont have much more to say so im going wrap this up by saying: Love to all and i hope every one had and has and good remainder (or not) of their spring break.

did that make sense? im not going to go back and checki it over.

♥

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 15:25:14 GMT

hey sorry ive been really really bad at updating lately... just nothing exciting has happened.. at all. so anyway. im partially getting ready to go to colorado. im sooooo excited. the town is suppposed to be awesome and the slopes great as well. its also supposed to snow for the next couple days which is really good. im so happy im goin skiing. when im skiing (even though i havent gone for a while) its soo blissful. lol i know im corny. but like its just like so free. im praying i can figure out someway to listen to my ipod while skiing. if tomorrow i dont fall too much and i get my bearings back maybe i will sneak my ipod into my jacket. ugh that would be amazing. ok well i have nothing else to say. i hope everyone has a GREAT spring break. I already miss all of you.
♥

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 04:05:34 GMT

hellooo alll! well nothing has been going on lately. but this weekend was quite fun! i spent like the whole weekend with erica which was amazing. on saturday we went to the mall and i got some makeup. after we went back to her housr and some people came over it was alot of fun. then today we watched troy which was surprisingly good but i think paris and helen should die lol erica. next weekend we're gonna go to the mall again though because i have to buy jeans and then its daves show. but im not going to think about the weekend right now. well nothing special going on this week so thats it for now. lets hope something exciting happens NOW.

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 01:29:28 GMT

ok so starting line was freaking amazing!!!! i had so much fun with erica and emily. checkers,the window, the man, you guys know the rest of the story lol.

so anyway i did my poetry portfolio and i am happy to say i am actually proud of it. i think it came out well and anyone who knows me i am not very creative at all.

a bunch of people came to school today with black hair for the play. dave has completely black hair and let me just say it looks absoulutely amazing. on friday i think im going to do the tips of my hair black because i have been wanting to do it for sooooo long.

so anyway off that note, nothing has really been going on with me lately. yes, i know, my life is so boring. physics is getting better. mr generallo isnt being hostile or anything which is good.

ERICA please come to the play on Friday!! i so want you to see him and the play or whatever. Friday hopefully will be fun.

♥ xoxoxooxo to all ♥

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 13:05:03 GMT

yayayaay! tonight is the Starting Line show! im so excited. My poetry protfolio is going alright. i havent actually put anything in the portfolio, but im hoping to be done on saturday when i start doing that. i never have anything to say!!! so that's it. bye y'all

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 14:05:10 GMT

hello everyone...wow i havent updated in a while which isnt such a shame cause i know my life isnt that interesting. i feel like parents dont understand anything anymore. i mean my dad used to but i dont know what happened. and now physics is such bullshit. yes i do talk alot i know that i have made mistakes in that sense but im trying to clean up my act in that class. i didnt talk AT ALL. in that class yesterday and thats just the beginning. and now gabbys blamng all the shit in that class on me when once mr fucking generallo let out class early because some people went on a tangent about a ladybug or some stupid shit like that and i tried to stay later so i could learn more because i dint understand what the FUCK he was talking about. and i was just sitting there trying to understand looking at my book. but no. no mr generallo cant think of the times when i tried to get extra help. no it just doesnt happen that way. sorry im beign such a bitch but i am not exargerrating.

wow that's really weird whenever im mad i put on vendetta red and i put my ipod on shuffle and vendetta red started playing. it's so soothing.

but back to mr genrallo. so some kids have been complaining about me which makes me upset. but like im trying to do better i didnt talk at all yesterday like i said before and i just got a 27 out of a 26 on a quiz. see im trying. ill prove it. whatever. i know i have faults but people are just soo blind my parents wont even acknowledge the fact that mr. generallo is the biggest DICK i have ever met in my life.

clea's cheese party is this weekend and im very much looking forward to that. YAY! and dave and derek's show is this weekend. and taste of chaos is this weekend. my life is already looking up i guess. thank you god for music.

oh that felt good.. i just needed to vent. i am NOT looking forward to that class today. that's all i can say.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 02:50:08 GMT

sorry i havent updated in a while... just not much has been going on. i dont have more to say now, but ill probably have more by the end of the weekend... alrighty

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 17:59:00 GMT

hello to all. this weekend is emily's party and im very much looking forward to that. friday we have a half day so i dont know if im going to hang out with some people. i got some brochures for some summer stuff but i really dont want to do the school thing. my parents are both pushing for it and i really dont want to do it. id rather do something with people outside of school. but not at a jappy camp. ive already experienced that i know i know i do not like that. its not my thing. i think ill do cleas old camp thing but the traveling program. and its not called interlocken anymore its windsor mountain. all my friends i think are back at school after being sick after pathfinders. yes i know this entry is extremely boring, but btw... why dont you update anymore emily? it saddens me. my dad is going to a meeting tonight and im kind of looking forward to just sitting at home by myself and putting music on my ipod. i really need to get tickets for the starting line. im going to call erica to see if she wants to go. ivde been waiting for a chance to see them forever... and im very excited for taste of chaos. its gonna be awesome. i should be skiing this weekend with cristina but that got cancelled. i dont blame cristina at all im just sad. i was soooo looking forward to going..i love you cristina hmmm is there any work i can do now? i dont feel like looking. im not going to study for my math quiz now and im not going to do my "running metaphor" poem. shit i have to find a poem to memorize. anyone have any ideas? and i want to find a good book to read in my leisure time besides "when will jesus bring the porkchops" im thinking a novel. someone give me some good suggestions.

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 02:06:40 GMT

well finally im home from pathfinders.. but i got sick. urgh. i have the worst sore throat i have had in a looong time and i have a fever which i havent had since about 5th grade. well i cant really focus now, but ill write more later. bye bye.

delirium soothing me...

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 23:12:54 GMT

ughhh... my day was going great until now. my parents cant accept me for who i am. im not thin enough for my mom, not smart enough for my dad. they dont realize that im NOT my brothers. i dont get great grades or amzaing PSAT scores. im sorry. you know what im not sorry. its their loss. i feel like i cant tell them anything without them freaking out. i screwed up my tennis tryouts. but they're not over. but my dad on the other hand thinks its the end of the world. he just yelled at me claiming i "wasted the last 5 months sitting on my ass infront of the tv" all i did was just walk away. its too bad that he doesnt even know how i play. he doesnt care about my game or anything or me improving in anything. its just be the best and only the best. he cant understand that i cant be the best nor will i ever be the best. friends are the only people i can lean on right now. i thought my dad was there for me, but i guess not. thank god im going to pathfinders this week. i dont know how much more of this i can take. i have lost all faith in you, dad.

there are some things to look forward to though in my near future:
1. more amazing and moving music
2. skiing
3. emily's birthday party
4. going to dave's house for working on the serenade roses

well all i have now are my friends, my music, and, well, things i can look forward to.

"i want life in every word to the extent that its absurd"

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 19:09:24 GMT

hello. as usual im procrastinating. im so excited we get to write a poem about love tonight. its what i feel full of right now, coincidentally (Spelling?) enough. we also have to memorize a poem. i dont know if i want to do something about love or something depressing. i dont know.. im going to look some up tonight. oh and also our teacher said something about using song lyrics later this year. i mean a song is a poem. not so much a britney spears song or something like that but a lot of the music i listen to and even rap is poetry. i so much admire people that can really dig deep and get such artful words out of them and then apply them to a song or a beat. i wish i could do that.

well ladies and gents, dave cut his hair. he looks cute, but younger like 16. and also his longer hair gave him such a unique look but i guess its good that hes willing to do so much for the school play. and he even cut his hair when his girlfriend was the one who told him to grow it out. are they still together? gosh shes a major bitch. but i guess i cant make any assumptions being that i dont know her that well.

im still really upset about states. i hope clea has fun. but it is sooooo far away. im just going to live in the moment and not focus on the future or the past.

some people dissapoint me. i just hope everyone makes the right choices. thats the only thing i can wish for everyone.

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 18:39:47 GMT

hello all... im sitting in the library.. my next class is starting in like 10 mins. tonight im seeing gabbys and emilys basketball games. im excited for that. after we're going to moe's. last night was both my brothers' last night here. We went to maggianos and as usual stuffed ourselves (as usual) and it was so funny. wow my mom is clueless and my whole family is hilarious. it was nice to be all of us together like old times. i mean it is annoying that my mom goes out of her way to offend my dad (even though he knows not to pay attention to it) but it was still fun.
argh. im pissed.. why cant people just be nice all the time? dont you understand its annoying? it gets old. whatever i dont care. i hate drama. im just going to forget about it and not dwell on stupid things.

oh and cristina!! my mom can be cool! she said she would call me in sick and i could miss 2 days. she was upset but whatever. yay!

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 04:38:44 GMT

hello. well just like maybe 10 minutes ago, i got off the phone with clea. we talked for like an hour. it was great talking to her. im am just realizing how i hate the fact that i go to sleep so late on school nights. its like i know i should go to sleep and my body knows im tired but i cant pull myself to actually get to bed and turn off the lights and close my eyes. today was better with the math. i got the thing we were doing yesterday for homework during class (by myself which made me so proud) and the thing we did today was easy the problem was that it was just sooooooo annoying. i cant even explain it. OY. my brain hurt. sometimes people say that and they dont mean it but i actually mean it. my brain hurt. i dont know if i have mentioned this but me and cristina are going skiing the first weekend in febuary. i am very much looking forward to that. hopefully it wont get postponed again. if my mom says i cant miss 2 days of school cause i havent exactly told her that, ill just say fuck you, mom im going... well not really.... my dad wont call me in sick though because hes like i wont lie. cristina, your parents are 10 times cooler. actually probably alot more. lol. ok well thats it for now. tata!

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 01:24:18 GMT

wow i completely forgot about this... it is possibly the funniest conversation of my life. big props to my big brother david for writing this down.

Mom: I should write a self-help book.
Me, My Brother, My Uncle: Gwah?
Mom: I'll call it Fixing Your Mind and Life.
Everyone: [Subduing giggles] Really?
Mom: What? I'm the best-adjusted person I know.
Everyone: [Open laughter]
Mom: I'm always nice, right? I'm the nicest person any of you know, I bet.
Everyone: [Cackling like hyenas]
Mom: [Genuine confused look] I am, right?
Me: [Choked out between laughs] You're being sarcastic, right?
Mom: [Seems genuinely confused]

anyone who knows my mom would unserstand why this is so funny. anyway today was going alright until ahhh math extra help. clea, i know, i know, my stress doesnt comapre to your but you dont understand. im not doing fine or even as good as i want to be doing in math this year. i just got so frustrated from all of thos things and how i was really realizing why am i using this fucking retarted geometry thing for such a simple algebra thing. oh god how i miss algebra. as soon as i got home today i felt soooo dizzy. i dont know what my problem is.. i cant even stand up without feeling like im going to fall over. hopefully im not getting sick because also all of today i was feeling soo tired even though i got a decent amount of sleep last night. anyway im sorry emily if i made you feel bad or anything.. you know i love you. and please please i know it might suck but talk to mrs. emigh for me. ok thats all bye bye.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 14:29:22 GMT

hey guys. this weeken was fun. i went to hairspray with emily on saturday and on friday i finally got to hang out with my love erica. i always love hanging out with her. we have so much fun. anyway after hairspray i went back to emilys and we watched harold and kumar go to whitecastle which was alot smarter and better than i thought it was going to be except for the distasteful nudity parts. yesterday i went driving on the main roads finally! i know its not a big thing but it was exciting. right now im in my free period waiting for my brother to come and visit at school. im very excited for that and i have no idea why. shit shit shit shit shit. me and cristina's skiing trip got postponed.. once again. im not mad or anything. not even annoyed. i just dont know how much longer i can wait haha. im sure cristina feals the same way. but i understand. you cant postpone acting districts. there's only one chance for that. i understand completely. and if i would have gotten into acting districts i would understand maybe even alot more. but i dont want to think about those auditions. wow lets not go into that. i wish i was in some cool acting group, but, as it is, i dont even have enough time because i dont even know why. well thats all i have to say for now.... but i will update later. (wow this was long)

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 19:55:44 GMT

i want the fear...need the fear

7 days!!!!

cristina, you dont even know how excited i am.. wow i cant wait to just be in all that powder gliding through the snow!! AHHH

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 13:40:40 GMT

hello everyone... im so excited im going to see erica today! i cant wait to just hangout with her. im really nervous about the whole history class thing. i really really want to be in gabbys and danielles free period because mine sucks big time. there's like no one in it. tomorrow im going to see hairspray and im looking forward to that. ok not much more to say. bye

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 02:38:06 GMT

hello all! well today i went to the mall with emily because it was a half day and we later met up with laura and ellie... it was so much fun. anyway after i went home and george was there with shane and his friend caleb who is in this band in new york which is really cool... i did pretty well on most of my exams for the most part but i didnt get back my history exam which realy pissed me off. but i actually got a 90 on the essay which really surprised me and made me happy. lets see what else is there to report? oh yes i know i sound pathetic but dave abel looked absolutely amazing today. clea knows what i am talking about. i dont care if no one else sees it but it does brighten up my day. and i am really really excited because i might see erica this weekend! yay! i havent seen her in like a month and i really miss her. we always have so much fun together. ahh full day of school tomorrow and i think i have math long.. shit.. i am not looking forward to that. bye all ill try and update sometime soon.

and by the way cristina, i hope u dont mind if i use this too. it makes me so happy i know where it comes from..

I WANT THE FEAR...NEED THE FEAR

8 FUCKING DAYS!

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 15:49:46 GMT

hello all... im in the library right now. thank god today is only a half day or i dont think i would have been able to survive. me clea emily and finnigan made a music video to goodbye by natalie imbruglia the other day. it is SOOOOOOO good. god clea is so talented. well i dont have much more to say. ill write more later... bye bye